Ben Avuyah

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Thursday, June 23, 2005

In Vitro Challah–ization

Yikes! There goes another pan clunking from the cabinet, I can hear them from upstairs…. now my wife is muttering something inaudible, she is not happy with the whole situation. I mean, it does border on insanity. But how can you refuse a plea from a friend…

And, we are really not the types to do the extra cooking, especially challah, we usually just buy it from the store; but the hysteria in that woman’s voice, the needy eyes, it’s enough to send chills down my spine, the way she extracted my wife’s promise.

“It can only work if there are forty”, she begged, “you have to tell me for sure, because I need forty.”

She stated it with the poised confidence of the devout. Neither hint of doubt nor measure of thought graced her countenance as she called upon us.

It was simple to her. Someone had backed out, and the segulah said that forty couples making challah are necessary for her friend to get pregnant, now she needed one more.

Imagine me, here I had been thinking of myself as properly educated in the matters of birds and bees, and low and behold, it doesn’t take two to tango, but forty to braid.

Hand your reason over to religion and watch your sanity slip through your fingers

28 Comments:

At 2:06 PM, Blogger Enigma4U said...

Know why the Japanese average only one child per couple?

They have no segulos to help them with any fertility problems.........

 
At 3:13 PM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hi enigma4u,
I would actually like to get a little more technical and ask my rabbi if eighty challas guaranties twins.

 
At 9:20 PM, Blogger Mis-nagid said...

Little do you realize that challah is a segulah for twisted kids. And for heavens sake, don't use nuts!

 
At 5:11 AM, Blogger mnuez said...

Come on enigma that's just silly, Avraham sent his sons through Hagar out to the East and gave them kishuf techniques. If anyone has segulas (through tumah of course), then they do!



(note to reader: The dibbuk of some dead, naive former Beis Yaakov girl occassionaly gains posession of my fingers.)

(Note to reader #2: There are certain benefits to this though.)

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hi mnuez and mis-nagid,


Is it possible we have discovered the origin of the phrase, “She’s got a bun in the oven” ?

And will someone more spiritual than I please tell the Dibbuk in possession of mnuez fingers to stop kneading the dough…that’s bad for you, my boy, I’ve heard you can get segullos all over your palms from that.

 
At 8:00 AM, Blogger Chana said...

Oh, ye gods!

Your wife must be a wonderful person if she actually allowed someone to make her do that. Your post is written with a wry sort of humor, very engaging and quite amusing. Excellent! ;)

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Thanks for the compliments, Chana, my wife is wonderful, and I will make sure she sees your praise !

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...

I didn't realize segulos involved IMPOSING yourself on other people - how can that possibly be a segulah for anything other then selfishness?

 
At 5:28 AM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hi Rabbi's Kid,
Thanks for commenting, yes the imposition was a bother, but that can happen any time when people are in need. It is the imposition over fairy tales that pushes me over the edge.

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger therabbi said...

Nice, getting someone to bake 40 Challas. Tell your wife to make them very very small, your neighbors will love you. And another STUPID MINHAG takes over the sanity of a religious belief.

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hello the rabbi,
Thank you for your comment, actually my wife only had to bake two challos, 39 other couples did the rest. And I was not attempting to limit the label of insanity to the minhagim of orthodoxy...

 
At 2:51 AM, Blogger The Hedyot said...

Oh brother! This just opens the door way too easily! The insistence that obscure mystical, spiritual, kabalistic and magical formulas can influence the major events in our lives is such a fundamental tenet of Orthodoxy you could write a 3-volume segula manual in a very short time.

Have you not gone to Amuka? Do you not say tehillim? (Or the whole book of tehillim?) Did you not dip in the Arizal's mikva? Do you not sniff the havdala candle and smear wine on your pockets? Did you not pray at the kotel for 40 days consecutively? Do you not do the rottel thing (don't even know what it is, but it's some sort of wine thing done by lag b'omer)? These prescriptions that promise guaranteed health, mates, and success are like torah misinai and for each one I can find you a dozen people that can swear by their efficacy!

The list is endless.

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger Avi said...

Hedyot, you are so right. This is what Judaism comes down to . Wearing a red bendel on your wrist and carry an amulet from some rabbi. Oh also dont forget, if you do any construction on your house, dont seal up any windows or move the gutters, the poor "Sheydim " will become disoreinted. Avi

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger Balabusta in Blue Jeans said...

My sheidim must be having nervous breakdowns at this point in the move. I can't help them. I don't feel so good myself.

Elisha (if I can use your first name), your wife sounds like a lovely person to go to so much trouble. I wish her friend's friend much happiness from her children.

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hi Hedyot, Avi, and balabusta,

Hedyot,
I once went to the Ari's Mikvah, it was freezing, and slimy with moldy life forms from the 1400's. That brush with spirituality left me wanting a shower.

Avi,
I never heard the one about Shedim in the house before...what's it all about ??

Balabusta,
thanks for the compliment, I will certainly let my wife know.

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger Avi said...

You never heard about the Sheydim? Where are you from. Supposedly if you have to seal off a door or window you must make a small hole that goes through. In my house the Sheydim will have to push aside a large picture which my wife hung up to cover the hole.

 
At 9:33 PM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hey Avi,

Thanks for the explanation. I don't have any holes in my house, so I hope the shedim can make it down the drain.

 
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