Ben Avuyah

Welcome to the Pardess.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Time

Spring’s lust spills through the humid air, having burst forth from tree and thistle, glistening in windless vapor, backlight by a sun whose piercing rays kindle the forest a fiery yellow. I see these flecks of new life floating in the contemplation of creation. The force of life here so powerful, deep in the seeded wood, but even in the midst of this rebirth there is darkness. Some remnant of a small creature is visible in the thick underbrush, her end the awaited sustenance of the greenery around her; mother earth completing her cycle.

So even ripe soil herself cannot relieve this pressure on my chest. For who among us does not plan their lives by weeks and months. Awaiting this next event, or that dreamed of goal, just around the corner. And so we surge forward, always onward as weeks and months blend into years, slipping away, by their smooth nature escaping our notice, never once the darkness contemplated; that dreamless sleep where self evaporates.

And why is it that I find my solace here? Joining a string of words about my mood, like crown over head…Do I slow that hourglass, fearfully stealing away a moment of solitude in which to be alone with the thoughts of my mind? Do I stay the minute hand from reaching the next bold-faced numeral as life’s pace bows humbly to the creeping seconds of my contemplations?

Perhaps it is not the act itself, but in spilling my soul in dots of multicolored ink, a splotch of yellow here, here green and red, I paint a bit of myself, of who I am. This small remnant left behind comforts the fear of black ends and shadows, for this piece of me has the power to live forever.

54 Comments:

At 7:12 AM, Blogger David Guttmann said...

Sounds like you got a glimpse of eternal life.

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hi David, I was just in a bit of the duldrums, nothing a stiff jolt of morning mountain biking didn't cure !!

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger Orthoprax said...

Ben,

An excellent work of prose. We may not live forever, but our work goes on. Make a splash in life and people will see the waves from a long way away.

 
At 10:30 AM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Orthoprax, thanks for commenting.

>>Make a splash in life and people will see the waves from a long way away.

So true !!

 
At 4:11 PM, Anonymous Harry Myers said...

Did you just celebrate a milestone birthday? I did

 
At 2:35 AM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

HI harry,
No milestone birthdays yet...but they are never far off :-)

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger The Jewish Freak said...

Nice poetry! Although I disagree with the premise. It is only when we completely forsake the idea of immortality, that will we find peace.

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger EPA said...

Good - you should keep in mind your mortality. You will better appreciate what you (all of us) need to do - Avodas Hashem, Limud HaTorah. All around you, are examples of Hashem's existence - problem is, it's inductive, not deductive. Like lots of circumstantial evidence pointing to something really important, and it simply ain't ever going to be proven by "reason." The uniqueness of the Jewish people.. . .their pursuit and attainment of excellence in so many endeavors (that extra "koichos" given for avodas Hashem comes in handy when applied to other endeavors, such as writing :)). The fact that there have been thousands are super-smart individuals throughout history -individuals who make us bloggers look like babbling fools -who believed in this stuff with ever fiber of their being - what, all of them were duped, but Ben Avuyah knows better? I became religious when I simply could no longer chalk up the singular intelligence and creativity of the Jewish people to some happenstance, coupled with the conviction that Reb Moshe knew what he was talking about.
I refuse to believe you are having great "fun" at this (see your prior posting to me). And I'm sure I'll be accused of wishful thinking. But after all is said and done, aren't you (like Rod Stewart!) simply trying to "find a reason to believe"? It's there, in "tree and thistle, glistening in windless vapor, backlight by a sun whose piercing rays kindle the forest a fiery yellow. . ." and in the author of the words, too.

 
At 11:23 AM, Anonymous Some Guy said...

Really nice. Makes one think.

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hi JF, your advice sounds very Budhist, do you care to expand a bit ?

Hi some guy, thanks for the comment.

And epa, You’ve become quite incorrigible.


>>keep in mind your mortality. You will better appreciate what you (all of us) need to do - Avodas Hashem

Funny you should say that because it is only since I have become a non-believer that this has troubled me. As a believer I did think I was an immortal soul…

>>>The uniqueness of the Jewish people.. . .their pursuit and attainment of excellence in so many endeavors

Oy, same old tired argument…Sure we are unique, sure I am proud of it, very proud . But so are many others…Does African American overrepresentation in football and basketball mean Kwanzaa is true?? The Armenians have suffered tragedies just as bad as we have, and still survive, but I don’t see you waiting in line to join their religion…


>>>>The fact that there have been thousands are super-smart individuals throughout history -individuals who make us bloggers look like babbling fools -who believed in this stuff with ever fiber of their being - what, all of them were duped, but Ben Avuyah knows better? I

Here is a classic appeal to authority…..yes very smart people believed in religion, and yes they were much smarter then I am.

But that is the genius of the religion meme, you are indoctrinated from childhood, and within the religion itself are thought boundaries. Once you believe you should not be thinking about things that might lead you to rethink religion, then it doesn’t matter how smart you are. You cannot go where the logic leads.

>>>But after all is said and done, aren't you (like Rod Stewart!) simply trying to "find a reason to believe"?

No. If there is a reason to believe than I do believe….no reason = no belief, just like in every other area of my life !!

 
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At 7:26 PM, Blogger EPA said...

I am incorrigible. So are you, aren't you! But how can I relent, when I think you really want to be a good Jew after all?

There are NOT "so many others." The Jewish people have uniquely achieved and contributed to the world. For example, see the list of Nobel prize winners who are Jewish compared with Arab: http://www.masada2000.org/nobel.html Let yourself recognize that Jewish contributions to the world are very "overrepresented" in light of our small numbers. Stop drinking the kool aid of political correctness.
3) Sometimes - classics are good, not bad! You cannot deny the brilliance of our gedolim, and they all attest to Hashem's existence.
4) Religion is NOT like every other area of your life, is it. You can ground your day-to-day decisions at the office on reason. Religion is necessarily predicated on faith, which transcends reason. How can you apply reason to that which transcends our reason? Must be that insidious atheist meme, to which you pretend to have been indoctrinated. And of course, there are absolutely noooo "thought boundaries" with the Madalyn Murray O'Hairs of the world?

By the way - you never answered whether you would marry a non-Jew if single, or whether you would accept a non-Jewish daughter-in-law, if you had a son of marriageable age. I bet it would upset you, and yet, clinging to this facade of Ben Avuyah,
you cannot allow yourself to admit it. After all, it defies reason.

 
At 7:08 AM, Blogger EPA said...

Even if you have made a personal choice not to believe anymore, why do you feel an imperative to convince others, e.g. "Orthodoxy Removal Kit"?

Does convincing others somehow in your mind ratify your own decision, and reduce cognitive dissonance?

But why should it - if your decision was based on "science" and "reason," then who the heck cares who others think - it should be irrelevant.

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Epa, good God man, you can’t seem to have enough !!

>The Jewish people have uniquely achieved and contributed to the world. For example, see the list of Nobel prize winners who are Jewish compared with Arab:

I never said we weren’t a damn clever group of folks…but that doesn’t prove the divine ! What this argument boils down to is, “we’re smart….therefore we must be God’s chosen people”. I’m sorry but that just doesn’t follow. We may be smarter because of heritage that values scholarship or/and a grouping of genes that code for intelligence. The very same reason we have Tay-Sachs(now mostly French Canadian), and Familial mediteranian fever. Doesn’t say anything about God, just genes and socialization.

>> You cannot deny the brilliance of our gedolim, and they all attest to Hashem's existence.

I already explained this above, … ( that is the genius of the religion meme, you are indoctrinated from childhood, and within the religion itself are thought boundaries. Once you believe you should not be thinking about things that might lead you to rethink religion, then it doesn’t matter how smart you are. You cannot go where the logic leads.)

>>> How can you apply reason to that which transcends our reason?

Actually that is your game, you claim faith and then give your “reasons”: brilliant gedolim, uniquely smart Jews, etc…


>>>> you never answered whether you would marry a non-Jew if single, or whether you would accept a non-Jewish daughter-in-law, if you had a son of marriageable age. I bet it would upset you, and yet, clinging to this facade of Ben Avuyah,
you cannot allow yourself to admit it. After all, it defies reason.

No it doesn’t defy reason, when you are brought up to consider things a terrible evil, even when you reason your way out of it, you are left with a visceral repulsion to it. I don’t eat lobster, even though I feel there is nothing wrong with doing so….because to me it is just a giant bug…I never registered it in the category of food, and I have a remnant visceral repulsion to it. I would allow my son to marry out of the religion, because it is not my choice in the first place, He/she is going to have to be responsible for their own happiness and I won’t stand in the way of that.

>>>>Even if you have made a personal choice not to believe anymore, why do you feel an imperative to convince others, e.g. "Orthodoxy Removal Kit"?

Why do teachers teach the ignorant, why educate, why search for knowledge and truth…..


>>>>>>>>Does convincing others somehow in your mind ratify your own decision, and reduce cognitive dissonance?

You keep on getting stuck on this one, cognitive dissonance is what I had, past tense, in order to help me remain orthodox, all the while being aware that many of the things I believed in were not compatible with science and rationale. Now that I no longer believe those things, I do not have cognitive dissonance.


>>>>>>>>But why should it - if your decision was based on "science" and "reason," then who the heck cares who others think - it should be irrelevant.

I had never taken you for an advocate of the dark ages….

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger lakewoodyid said...

Ben Avuyah,

Look at what I commented here:

http://orthoprax.blogspot.com/2006/05/little-bit-of-documentary-hypothesis.html

 
At 12:53 PM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Hi, LY, you have a curious linear logic that you work from. Perhaps I can explore this more in a later post. In the mean time I tried to address your question on Orthoprax's comments section.

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger lakewoodyid said...

Ben Avuyah,

This time, I did research. Please have another look here:


http://orthoprax.blogspot.com/2006/05/little-bit-of-documentary-hypothesis.html

 
At 8:46 PM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

LY,
YOur going to force me to post about methodology one of these days....

IN any case, see orthoprax's blog for my reply.

 
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see my recently posted response to your request for elaboration on my claim that you are "so ninteenth century" under "New Kid on the block"
Moshe

 
At 7:34 AM, Blogger Ben Avuyah said...

Thanks moshe...ayin sham !

 
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